Feeling Inspired

 I chose these images because I find them to be beautiful and important. I believe in the good in life, including making the right choices. I chose virtue to represent my dedication to doing good in life in order to lead to happiness. Happiness is beauty, for that it makes me feel not in pain and makes life enjoyable. Beauty is art, where fantasy is found and is constantly inspired, trying to reach for something more. The feelings of being consumed by inspiration is a profound feeling within happiness, where it have to stem from a source of realization or reflection. Within the state of one upholds the structure of the outside, where people do indeed one another. I can never stress enough the importance of meaningful virtues for the sake of having foundations that will not just break in vain from the pain of others. 

I see for myself
A world without sake
For it already is
The beauty is already living

I see for myself
A world with sake
For right now it is broken
People die without dying

On the inside people may break
And when they do
The world falls apart on its own
Affecting one another

Diving off the deep end
Do we swim or drown?

Before taking off
Please make sure
It is the right way
And to that direction

May I point it out for you? 

Fiery Passion

    What I am most passionate about in life is the beauty within life. These interests include the arts, beauty, pro socialism, innovation, fantasy, and the idea of trans-humanism. I personally enjoy playing the ukulele, drums, piano, singing, songwriting, keyboard, midi, and DAW. In the art department, I look at the world for inspirations. I express myself in movements, silent language, exploration, keeping open minded, staying curious, self improvement, and strive to discover. These inspirations are found directly in front of us. They are like alchemy combined from multiple events, things, or people, synthesized together to form another beautiful thing of its own. I wish that I could only focus on the arts, nature, and the good in the world. I wish that I can enjoy, explore, and discover these beautiful things in this world everyday for the rest of my life. 

      The way how I can tie my passions to a career, a job, or a volunteer experience is already happening for me. In my situation, I happen to be working in a vegetarian/vegan innovative company. I am actually very passionate about consuming better foods for the health of oneself and the worlds sake. I also enjoy moving around during my work, because I know mindfulness and movements are important for well being. Since I work with green food, I indulge my curiosity into practicality. These skills I have of the food , customer service, and even from the environmental factors of mainly being around intelligent people in Cambridge pushes me to reflect on myself. 

    The type of population, group, people, market, or field of interest I would like to serve includes everyone. I will be willing to work for the cause of values I believe. These values and passions I believe contain compassion, innovation, trans-humanism, going green, self improvement, beauty, magic, mysteries, happiness, consciousness, and mindfulness. My passion and my work could benefit others by bringing attention to the cause and effect of life and dietary choices on health. My passion can also benefit others by bringing awareness to the possibilities, beauty, joy, impacts, and connections that can be synthesized from being creative. 

My heart

You are my mystery

My mystery to me

and in you I see

The world with you and me

My heart

In the sun rise you breathe

In the late night you freeze

With the wind flowing at breeze

We stay together you and me

My art

You run in my veins

Portray without disdain

To present objectively

To stay calm and free

My art

May be tainted dry

We walk side by side

Yet we are still walking

Moving to the light 

Appreciate To Become Happy

What I tend to be granted are the things right in front of me, that I may fail to always constantly see. These things include my health, nature, people being kind to each other, and the world going on continuously. Life continues to move on despite what happens, and sometimes we get stuck in our own heads. Some people might mature and focus more on external matters, such as caring more about society and try to do something good for the world. Something that I have noticed among people of supposedly higher intelligence, or valued more in society, simply does or try to do more good for society. I am happy that I am healthy and not in permanent awful pain all the time. 

  I am grateful that I am not in unbearably excruciating pain all the time. I have been through handfuls of traumatic things that have left their scars and bruises, but I am still going on and able to function. I am grateful that I got my act together, and built a livable life for myself. I have an apartment, roommates, friends, relatives, boyfriend, myself, arts, and the world. I am grateful that I am currently okay and is working towards greater things in life. 

Some of the good things that I could take in and absorb more is on the people and what is happening in the world around me. I have a tendency to stay in my own world and ignore the things around me. However, I know that being alone is unhealthy. It is important to socialize and be a part of society. Also, having things to care about, and people to care for is important for life to be meaningful. Without care in life, life itself would become meaningless. I am learning about caring more about people, becoming closer to people, and being a productive part of society. 

When I awake and

Live the life from dreaming it

Waiting to bring it

Leafs in transcendence

Hurry before the storm hits

The lightning in dark

For the many ones

Of the broken and lost sons

To see another

To work on delay

We wait to bring on the day

We wake to persuade

Going somewhere far

Taking no one to nowhere

For the lost cause here

Here inside this dream

I am seemingly aware

Of the breathing air

Living Challenges

My fears stem from never feeling good enough for my crazy perfectionist desire within. In psychology, that is categorized in the section of superego. Knowing about what could be, and thinking about what should be, totally drives me crazy. I don't know how I can support myself with all the wants I want in life. I want to have my desired place and places to live in. I want to travel anywhere that I want. I want to be able to do and buy whatever I desire. I cannot feed my thirst of hunger for what the world may have to offer. Most of all, I do not know how to free myself and be inspired to inspire. I do not know nor sure how I am able, if I am ever able to let myself set forth and be free in what makes me happy.














My assets are that I am a creative person. I walk, and I listen to music all the time. When I do not listen to music, I listen to the world around, and even the sounds from movements and impacts. I believe in the magic and beauty within the sounds of moments, the emotions from the patterns of how instruments are played. I see the beauty in front of me, and the world living on steadily. I recognize people going on their own agendas, and learning the concept of everyone to each of their own. I have wants, and desires, to create and be something more. The obstacles affecting me include my place within society, which me making minimal income due to lack of skill and recognition is truly upsetting to me. I am unhappy that I do not make much money because I am not recognized as one of more value that I literally make.














I understand that this is the view from society, and the position that I am in, and the skills I lack. In order to move forward on my journey, I must attain additional skills. I must become one of more value to myself, and perhaps to others. I do not want to focus on what others want in the world, but more on myself instead. I want to live and be my own person, and have my unique and beautiful life. I do not want myself to be centered around the world, since society gives me so much pressure already. I have perhaps lost track of the world around me, but I am determined to focus on my own happiness, and not the unhappiness nor pain others bring me. This might be stemming from my self preservation methods of fears and anxieties due to having a bad worldly experience, but ways that I hope to control this is maybe become more accepting of people's kindness. I try to observe the good in people, and also be a good person myself. The ways I can healthily process my fears and anxieties are through art, developing myself, and being a good person to myself, society, and the world around me.










You in the face


Always getting in way


What I want and to create


Another day here to stay






True to my hate


My fears and my fate


What I am destined to trace


The lines of melody and shape






My love to my own


In order to reform


Construct to renown


Forever Chasing Home






Inside all alone


Not worried to deform


To bring out all the foam


Like the truth found in a tome

The Present In Presence

In my present moment, I can listening to chill music, while being anxious about homework, imperfections, while also being grateful for the good things happening as of late. I am currently becoming more in tune with my body, as I listen to the beats and move to the beats. I have come to realization lately of focusing outside of myself, instead of being stuck to my own feelings and thoughts. There have been a lot of things happening lately in my life, ups and downs, and finding truths within myself. I have finally decided to accept and live my passions, of art, music, and beauty of life. 

I am so fortunate to have met my current boyfriend. Meeting him has opened up my world, to think something bigger. He often use the term "hilarious". When we first met, we discussed many of the bad things in the past. I think what we share in common is that we both love music, while still focusing on the bigger picture. We have a lot of broken memories, painful experiences, and somehow we can relate on an emotional level. Perhaps that is what lead him to love me in the first place, which is like a weird strange magnetic attraction. However, what is hilarious is that he accomplished so much in his life with proof to show, yet he says that is not his dream. He is now doing grad school in education, which is also hilarious because music and him being an art and math undergrad just seems to unrelated to education. I guess what influenced him to be passionate about education is clearly stemming from his adopted parents, where they run schools that he attended. Additionally, he commonly makes jokes about the freshmen he teaches etc, which I am actually about the same age as them but if that is mentioned, we both pretend and know I'm just older. 

I'm at this point in my life, where I guess well, I know what stability and being an adult is like. Living everyday like it's boring, work, pay bills, take care of myself, etc. The question now is, what to do, or what do I want to do to enjoy myself? My answer is art. I want to create beauty, and I like the beautiful things in life, such as dancing, making beautiful art like plants, and music that do not bring trouble but for enjoyment. I think music can illustrate just like art, painting and drawing out scenes, inspirations, fantasies. My boyfriend continues to confuse me as a person, sometimes I don't know if he is overdramatic or just me, where he certainly claims I am. Either way, my life has been confusing, I can't tell what is good or bad, but what I know is that things seem to be fine? I have a boyfriend that loves me, relationship that seems to be going well, along with my life being scary, or strangely stable. Sometimes it is really hard to tell what is happening in my life or when I am stuck in a trance. But I am starting to be able to see myself as another person in society, like another body next to another body. For anyone that is alive, they are their own person. It is a strange feeling to come to the understanding of myself seriously, not be warped in my own universe. 

I currently am doing school, college, and has a job that I worked at for about a year now where I make enough to survive on my own. I hang out with my boyfriend for fun, even if he is super busy. When I am alone, I am doing homework, and trying to fill up my time with music and distractions while pondering on how to be productive. I am starting to transition into the productive stage instead of the planning, or doing nothing stage hopefully. I have decided that I do and need to have art etc art stuffs to be happy since that is just the way I am. I am astounded by how interesting it is to realize that understanding the patterns between art, life, music, and beauty is truly like a gift that I have. Perhaps, this is setting off my journey to do more, as I progress second by second, may I please make the most of my moments. 

When I am in the moment, I see myself objectively along with the world before me

I see people moving with their goals

I feel my senses

I hear other people's conversations 

Living out their lives

When I am in the moment

I feel calm

I see objects with no tasks

With time on my fingertips

When I am in the moment 

I listen to the world

I listen to myself

I stop thinking too much

When I am in the moment

Life feels simpler

Easier

Better

Not worrying about the future or the past

The Alchemy of My Gift

The bad moments in my life or the catalyst was when I had some issues with eating disorders. I was very unhealthy and I just was not happy with how unfit I was. I couldn't concentrate on another other than being stuck in my own world, of unhappy with how I feel visually and physically. I truly was at a loss of what to do about it. I tried so many strategies, hence the eating disorders came to became my unhealthy habits. I was everything anorexic to bulimic, binge eating, and holding my own body dysmorphic image. Then finally, I learned to overcome though all those challenges over the years, alchemizing my unhealthy habits in nowadays, my super healthy habits of being vegan, and physical exercise as my essential routines. With my innovative habits, I continue to impact all that I come across and spread the good message of staying healthy and productive in order to overcome life disasters.




My initial feelings of shock stemmed from others telling me that I was not good enough, and I was not perfect. I adopted the unhealthy thoughts thinking that I was imperfect, and that it was not okay. Nothing was ever good enough despite my healthy weight, trying to look my best, good grades, and being a compassionate person. I was not okay with imperfection whats over. All I saw was the imperfect in my body, mind and soul. I was broken emotionally from being too fixated on my problems instead of just taking a step back to just plainly improve. I wanted fast results. I stopped eating enough, and sometimes I hated myself for eating unhealthy foods. I started to work on my eating habits, so that is what lead me to become vegetarian. Because I know that plants carry high nutrient density. So I continued that patterned, worked on my iron will, ate more vegetables with good sources of protein while taking into considerate of overall health with quality supplements. Then, I am here today still, ever so concentrating on the goods I need and not worrying about feeling bad physically that may tie into my emotions.


With time, my perspective changed from feeling gross from the unhealthy things I eat with my awful self destructive habits to now being aware of the causes and effect in order to lead my actions. I came to realize that my bad habits were actually a life saver oddly enough when I had little to eat. I realized that what I needed were the essentials and not excessive empty calories that did not help with my body functioning, such as watching out for protein, fiber, etc in my diet. I learned that I can feel great by eating as much greens and fruits as I want that are sustainable, and I will not have problems feeling unsatisfied or wanting to eat nor eating too much. My body feels great from all the nutrients I replenish myself with, and I make sure that I can get enough to function while keeping myself decently fit. My bad habits made me grow to adapt and continue to strive for healthier habits, and my routines are quite amazing in contrast to one's typical routine. I now make sure I drink enough water, take my organic or all natural supplements, enough proteins etc for my muscles to function, and optimal calories from all types of plants. I am happy that I continue to adopt this beautiful philosophy that helps me to stay on top of the world, aka problems that may drag me down, will not take over me .


With my determination to continue want to strive for the good in life, my greatest happiness is to share these beauties with everyone and the world. Impacting the world in beautiful ways where I may only do my best makes me feel accomplished and content that I am a good influence, and that we may all appreciate the beauty right in front of us that is everlasting.










In the blue light


I see the greens growing around me


and in it I see beauty residing


Beautifully in between


The clear blue sky


where I clear my mind






Staying honest in my soul


Heart open not alone


With myself and the world


Enticing to belong






Inside this green blue field


Of clear translucent teal


Like green mixed with blue


The ocean swimming with


Underneath the sea and its trees






As I am on the surface


From the dark to the light on purpose


From the bad to the good


The dwelling to the ongoing


Forever I will strive improving






I will make the world beautiful


From the beauty that is now my reality


I see from the things in the dark to the nothing wrong
To create something more for myself and whoever that may also keep strong