My fears stem from never feeling good enough for my crazy perfectionist desire within. In psychology, that is categorized in the section of superego. Knowing about what could be, and thinking about what should be, totally drives me crazy. I don't know how I can support myself with all the wants I want in life. I want to have my desired place and places to live in. I want to travel anywhere that I want. I want to be able to do and buy whatever I desire. I cannot feed my thirst of hunger for what the world may have to offer. Most of all, I do not know how to free myself and be inspired to inspire. I do not know nor sure how I am able, if I am ever able to let myself set forth and be free in what makes me happy.
My assets are that I am a creative person. I walk, and I listen to music all the time. When I do not listen to music, I listen to the world around, and even the sounds from movements and impacts. I believe in the magic and beauty within the sounds of moments, the emotions from the patterns of how instruments are played. I see the beauty in front of me, and the world living on steadily. I recognize people going on their own agendas, and learning the concept of everyone to each of their own. I have wants, and desires, to create and be something more. The obstacles affecting me include my place within society, which me making minimal income due to lack of skill and recognition is truly upsetting to me. I am unhappy that I do not make much money because I am not recognized as one of more value that I literally make.
I understand that this is the view from society, and the position that I am in, and the skills I lack. In order to move forward on my journey, I must attain additional skills. I must become one of more value to myself, and perhaps to others. I do not want to focus on what others want in the world, but more on myself instead. I want to live and be my own person, and have my unique and beautiful life. I do not want myself to be centered around the world, since society gives me so much pressure already. I have perhaps lost track of the world around me, but I am determined to focus on my own happiness, and not the unhappiness nor pain others bring me. This might be stemming from my self preservation methods of fears and anxieties due to having a bad worldly experience, but ways that I hope to control this is maybe become more accepting of people's kindness. I try to observe the good in people, and also be a good person myself. The ways I can healthily process my fears and anxieties are through art, developing myself, and being a good person to myself, society, and the world around me.
You in the face
Always getting in way
What I want and to create
Another day here to stay
True to my hate
My fears and my fate
What I am destined to trace
The lines of melody and shape
My love to my own
In order to reform
Construct to renown
Forever Chasing Home
Inside all alone
Not worried to deform
To bring out all the foam
Like the truth found in a tome
Jenny,
ReplyDeleteGreat post. As usual, great writing. This topic surely allowed some of your fears and anxieties to well to the surface.
Do not fear.
You sound like a typical college student who is (1) ambitious, (2) finding her niche, and (3) getting impatient. It happens to most conscientious people who have to work to earn what they want.
Maybe you are simply ready to shed your flock and journey forth.
In any case, it sounds like you have some great personal assets, and what I can deduce from your weekly writings is that you are a person who typically flies solo. Do you think that you just need to tap into an artistic network?
Where can you find others who can help you on your path? You don't have to do it alone... in fact, you can't. You'll need a super team of friends, colleagues, and other artists to help you achieve this dream.
Where can you find them? Will you let them in?
GR: 95