In my present moment, I can listening to chill music, while being anxious about homework, imperfections, while also being grateful for the good things happening as of late. I am currently becoming more in tune with my body, as I listen to the beats and move to the beats. I have come to realization lately of focusing outside of myself, instead of being stuck to my own feelings and thoughts. There have been a lot of things happening lately in my life, ups and downs, and finding truths within myself. I have finally decided to accept and live my passions, of art, music, and beauty of life.
I am so fortunate to have met my current boyfriend. Meeting him has opened up my world, to think something bigger. He often use the term "hilarious". When we first met, we discussed many of the bad things in the past. I think what we share in common is that we both love music, while still focusing on the bigger picture. We have a lot of broken memories, painful experiences, and somehow we can relate on an emotional level. Perhaps that is what lead him to love me in the first place, which is like a weird strange magnetic attraction. However, what is hilarious is that he accomplished so much in his life with proof to show, yet he says that is not his dream. He is now doing grad school in education, which is also hilarious because music and him being an art and math undergrad just seems to unrelated to education. I guess what influenced him to be passionate about education is clearly stemming from his adopted parents, where they run schools that he attended. Additionally, he commonly makes jokes about the freshmen he teaches etc, which I am actually about the same age as them but if that is mentioned, we both pretend and know I'm just older.
I'm at this point in my life, where I guess well, I know what stability and being an adult is like. Living everyday like it's boring, work, pay bills, take care of myself, etc. The question now is, what to do, or what do I want to do to enjoy myself? My answer is art. I want to create beauty, and I like the beautiful things in life, such as dancing, making beautiful art like plants, and music that do not bring trouble but for enjoyment. I think music can illustrate just like art, painting and drawing out scenes, inspirations, fantasies. My boyfriend continues to confuse me as a person, sometimes I don't know if he is overdramatic or just me, where he certainly claims I am. Either way, my life has been confusing, I can't tell what is good or bad, but what I know is that things seem to be fine? I have a boyfriend that loves me, relationship that seems to be going well, along with my life being scary, or strangely stable. Sometimes it is really hard to tell what is happening in my life or when I am stuck in a trance. But I am starting to be able to see myself as another person in society, like another body next to another body. For anyone that is alive, they are their own person. It is a strange feeling to come to the understanding of myself seriously, not be warped in my own universe.
I currently am doing school, college, and has a job that I worked at for about a year now where I make enough to survive on my own. I hang out with my boyfriend for fun, even if he is super busy. When I am alone, I am doing homework, and trying to fill up my time with music and distractions while pondering on how to be productive. I am starting to transition into the productive stage instead of the planning, or doing nothing stage hopefully. I have decided that I do and need to have art etc art stuffs to be happy since that is just the way I am. I am astounded by how interesting it is to realize that understanding the patterns between art, life, music, and beauty is truly like a gift that I have. Perhaps, this is setting off my journey to do more, as I progress second by second, may I please make the most of my moments.
When I am in the moment, I see myself objectively along with the world before me
I see people moving with their goals
I feel my senses
I hear other people's conversations
Living out their lives
When I am in the moment
I feel calm
I see objects with no tasks
With time on my fingertips
When I am in the moment
I listen to the world
I listen to myself
I stop thinking too much
When I am in the moment
Life feels simpler
Easier
Better
Not worrying about the future or the past
Jenny,
ReplyDeleteExcellent free write. It seems like an honest conversation with yourself, and that's good. You contemplate the big picture, over the little picture - trying to settle down into the fact that you do, indeed, want to ensure that art is a large part of your life - if not your job.
Your poem is good - swift - sweeping - like falling leaves. Especially when you wind down to one word per line. It encapsulates the theme of this module - an eventual place where there is neutrality, tranquility, and contentment with the now.
Some suggestions: be sure to fidget with the design a little so that your images are placed with some space away from the text. Just a simple design suggestion.
For your poem - which is very inner "dialogue" in its nature... sounding like an inner pep talk to yourself (from which readers can relate) - start to think about how you can start to smear the paint in your poems. As is, your poems are like still life paintings. Crisp, clear. Think about fading back some of the edges, blurring some lines, and adding some abstraction into the poem - so that there is shear, undefined beauty that emanates simply from the language and the imagery - not just the meaning.
See if you can blur, smear, and mix the "paint" up a little.
GR: 95